At the Cineplex: Friday the 13th (2009)

Has it really been almost thirty years since mother Voorhees went mad and slaughtered sex-crazed counselors at Camp Crystal Lake? Nothing tells you how old you’re getting than when film makers start remaking the films of your youth. Not that I was ever a true Friday fan. The original was a derivative cash-in on Halloween and, to a lesser extent, Psycho. The low-budget of the first Friday gave it a certain grittiness that future installments lacked. But these films were never about anything other than gruesomely murdering young people. And the target audience ate them up.

So it comes as no surprise that, after financially successful remakes of 1970s fare such as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Halloween, The Hills Have Eyes, and Dawn of the Dead, that Hollywood now moves on to the 1980s. Knowing that Jason Voorhees is the true star of the Friday the 13th series, the makers of this update have taken elements of the original first three Fridays and mixed them with their own scenario that doesn’t even involve camp counselors. In two post-title sequences we see mother Voorhees beheaded; Jason witness her death; Jason become a legend to be spoken of around campfires; and Jason fiercely protecting his home turf from invaders. This Jason is a bit more active in plotting his massacres though. He has set up bear traps, created an underground lair, and somehow managed to pay the utility bills so he can keep his surrounds well lit if need be. The plot proper has Jason go after some young folk using a nearby vacation spot that belongs to the rich kid’s dad. Meanwhile a scruffy outsider shows up looking for his missing sister, supposedly a victim in one of the earlier-seen attacks. His investigation puts him on Jason’s trail, which also means he becomes Jason target. Everyone else we meet is just around to be added to Jason’s ever-growing list of kills.

As a slasher film, this Friday the 13th is thoroughly average. There is the requisite drinking, pot smoking, and sexual dalliances we’ve come to expect from ‘80s fare. People are burned, punctured, skewered, and impaled. It’s all handled with a fair amount of intensity. The film never approaches the carnage with a winking eye, and the one-liners are kept to a minimum. This is a serious-minded slasher film.

The problem though is that it is not a good Friday the 13th film because Jason doesn’t seem like Jason. Unless I missed it, there is no mention that Jason’s birthday was June 13, which gave the series its initial hook. The title itself is practically meaningless. In the original, Jason’s murder spree was motivated by sundry camp counselors letting him drown and killing his mother. But there are no counselors here, so Jason just kills those who come too close to his home. But then why does he kill the local guy who works the wood chipper? Because he stole the marijuana that someone’s growing near Campy Crystal Lake? Is Jason growing and selling the pot? That would explain how he can pay for electricity, but who would he use for a distributor? Jason’s identity and motivations are never clearly established in this update, and we’re left with the feeling that Jason was more of an afterthought instead of the main focus of the story.

Will this really matter to people though? Is it enough to call this guy Jason, put a hockey mask on him, and let him loose? Does it matter this Jason could just as easily be Madman Marz from Madman (1981) or Victor Crowley from Hatchet (2006) with little impact on the outcome? The record-breaking opening weekend suggests there’s and audience still out there for an R-rated, gruesome horror flick. But whether or not this film is ultimately viewed as a worthy kick-start to the Friday the 13th series may take some time to determine.

Next up on the remake list is A Nightmare on Elm Street, the other big horror franchise born during the 1980s. It will most likely have a great opening weekend too. In the meantime those who still have a soft spot for 1980s-inspired horror will likely be somewhat amused by this update. But I can see a sequel where Jason goes after the movie execs who brought in an impostor for this remake.